I recently saw an email from her in which she said she was bitter, and I asked her mother why she was bitter. After all, she was the one who broke the relationship off, not him. Her mother defended her, saying she was bitter because he didn't live up to her expectations. The mother said she understood her daughter's bitterness completely. Sensing a bit of a male-female, Mars-Venus kind of thing, I chose not to pursue the subject further.
But is it really fair to be bitter about a person not turning out to be what you wanted them to be? Disappointed maybe, but bitter? Isn't it more like you're just two different people not right for each other? Or, as Dave Mason sang, there ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy, there's only you and me and we just disagree.
Breaking up can be tough on a person. I know, because I did it several times when I was younger before finally getting married. Every time a relationship ends there is some sadness, even if you know it's the right thing to do, because there are always some good things about the relationship and other person that you will miss. I guess these failed relationships are supposed to make you wiser, but they just seemed to make me more depressed.
My siblings all got married when they were young, like age 20 or 21. I got married when I was several years older and felt quite smug about it, figuring that it was better to really develop as a person by yourself before getting married. But now I'm not so sure. My siblings have all had good marriages that have continued for years and years. They also didn't have the down effect of a number of failed relationships prior to marriage. If someone asked me several years ago when is the best age to get married, I would have said at age 25 to 30, but now I'd simply say, get married when you find the right person, whether that's at age 20 or 30 or whenever.
I wish I could somehow impart what I've learned about relationships to my own kids so they wouldn't have to make the same mistakes I did. But that would require that I can figure out just what it is I've learned. Also, some things you just have to find out by yourself.